Monday, March 22, 2010

Just Say No

I wasn't going to say anything about this, but I've seen far too much of it to keep quiet anymore... I'm doing this for the good of humanity.

Here at my university, there is a rule that says that all men must be clean shaven (I've checked the rules thoroughly, and it definitely only says men, so I could show up to class with a full beard if I so pleased and nobody could do anything about it, but I digress.) Of course the one exception to this rule is that they are allowed to keep, and I quote, "a neatly trimmed mustache." Now, friends, there is a bit of tricky wording in the text of the honor code; it says "IF a mustache is worn --." That's right, it says "If". So I think that we should all realize that just because you CAN grow a mustache, it doesn't mean you SHOULD. There is almost nobody under the age of forty who looks good with a "neatly trimmed mustache." Ever. The only way I would consider underage mustaches to be acceptable would be if they were of the walrus or handlebar variety, or came with a set of spectacular muttonchops, cause that's just awesome, or as part of a goatee, cause that's hot. But alas, the honor code has specified "neatly trimmed," and so the only facial hair I ever see on my fellow students is HEINOUS.
I've a wonder, BYU, as to why your honor code would not support and/or encourage wondrous things like muttonchops or fabulous Merlin style beards, but would allow greasy, wormy pedophile mustaches to roam free... It simply doesn't make sense to me.
I mean, seriously...


Who would YOU trust with the magical education of your children?
The answer: Merlin, because he doesn't have a mustache that makes him look like a rapist.

I think I've made my point. If the university wants us to look our best, it makes no sense whatsoever to prohibit fabulous beards and yet permit underage mustachery, which is an abomination and must be stopped, as it is brainwashing our boys into thinking outrageous things (like that girls think they're attractive or that they look sophisticated) and turning them into greasy weirdos instead of supremely bodacious angry old wizards.
Really now, BYU, priorities....


Jessica Grosland said...

Hey! An ugly picture of that guy who thinks he's Remus Lupin! I was just thinking about him today, as well as his movie-counterpart, the wanna-be-Sirius-Black.

I've decided we should recast them. I am considering Ewan McGregor for the role of Remus and Johnny Depp for Sirius. What say you?

The Erin said...

Actually, I had considered this issue as well, but I had cast Colin Firth as Lupin and Hugh Jackman as Sirius. Either set could work, wouldn't you say?