Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Very Best

Guess what time of year it is again! The time of year where I buy like fifty of those little packs of conversation hearts and I sit on my couch and eat those suckers while I draw stupid pictures in crayon!

It took me a few years to grow up, I think, but I've finally come to terms with Valentine's Day. I think that this might be the first time that I haven't had some deep underlying feeling that the holiday is just there to mock me for being single. I think the trick to it is to reach the point where you realize you actually like being single. At any rate, Valentine's day and I are cool now. We're bros. As such, I have seen my way clear to writing a post that actually pertains to the day in question without sounding in any way resentful, so here goes:

When it comes to lovers, there have been a lot of famous and striking pairs over the ages. I don't feel like naming any of them because I don't actually care that much, but there have been a lot of them. Romeo and Juliet do not count among these, just so we're clear, and if anybody says Edward and Bella, I will find and shank you personally. Anyway, with so many notable lovers about, I feel as though there's one that doesn't often get a whole lot of notice. This is a terrible shame, because I feel as though they may very well be the greatest lovers in history. I am, of course, talking about Gomez and Morticia Addams.

First off, if you have not seen the old 1964 TV series of The Addams Family, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't go look it up now. Secondly, take a good long look at the people in the picture above. These are two people who are absolutely mad about each other. No matter that their general sanity was up for debate; Gomez and Morticia were blindly, deeply, passionately in love with each other. I haven't watched the show myself for a while, but, as I recall, there was not an episode that went by where they were not fawning over one another at at least one point.

The Addams were, by design, so far removed from normality that they frightened or disturbed most people. Nevertheless, they were a very close and loving family, and they were very happy with themselves and with each other. I feel like this is due largely in part to the relationship between Gomez and Morticia. They didn't care about what anybody else thought, they just cared about each other and about their family and they were much happier than most for it.

Gomez and Morticia themselves were always delightful to watch when they interacted because it was so easy to tell how very deeply enamored with each other they were.

They rarely disagreed, and when they did, they were always willing to let it go because their relationship was more important than their pride. They had the occasional misunderstanding, but it never put them off for long, and I don't recall them ever truly being at odds with one another. Not to mention that they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Gomez was the more actively affectionate of the two, but it was easy to see Morticia, in spite of her refinement, returned it just as deeply. They were deliriously happy and they made a perfect pair and a were the perfect core for their creepy, kooky, mysterious, spooky family.

Perhaps my admiration for them stems largely from the fact that when/if I ever marry, my family will be far beyond normal. Whatever the reason, I feel as though Gomez and Morticia Addams deserve a respected place in history as the greatest couple of all time, and should be held as an example to lovers everywhere.

And don't worry, I'll get back to writing silly things soon enough.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

An Explanation

As many of you may have noticed, there was a recent, several month long period during which I was more or less missing in action. I assure you, this does have a somewhat viable explanation which I feel as though I should probably share with you now.

It all started with a liver.

So yeah, it turns out that when your liver doesn't work, your brain doesn't either, resulting in lots and lots of getting nothing done. When we found out that this is what was occurring, my mom moved me home, got me off the medication that had been destroying my liver and got me on a regimen of herbal supplements and things to help me detox.

Detox, incidentally, is Latin for "Hell". It's also a word in Greek meaning "Everything that sucks in your body gets very much worse before it gets better."

Long story short, I pulled out of school and did absolutely nothing for months. Or at least I would have had it not been for TMM.

The Merry Mabari is a chat-based roleplaying group based on the universe of the Dragon Age games (which just so happens to be my favorite series.) Now, roleplaying is something I had long thought of as being something that only weird nerds in basements did when they wanted to pretend to be wizards. Being a weird nerd who lives upstairs, I thought myself too high and mighty for such things (even though I'm an actor and I've written fanfiction and both are just as nerdy as I'd projected roleplaying to be,) but with some poking from my cousin, I eventually decided to give it a try as something to break the horrible monotony. And so, playing as a thirty year old male archer named Lysandro, I wandered into the world of online roleplaying.

And then I never slept again.

The sleep thing is far beyond the point though. For three months at least, roleplaying was the only reason I wrote anything at all. Having someone to respond to me directly as I wrote gave me constant motivation to keep writing, if only a little bit at a time. Where writing is concerned, it's much easier to only have to develop one character rather than a whole world, so it was a good starting place when I was at my lowest point. As I did more and became attached to the character, I began writing stories to expand his world. Between that motivation, an awesome cousin, and a wonderfully amazing roleplay partner (whose character I am just as attached to as my own,) I was able to pound through that while of recovery and break through to the other side to where I could finally blog again.

I suppose the moral of this story is don't judge a book by its extremely nerdy cover, because if it hadn't been for roleplaying and my amazing partner Britt (who is one of my best bros and who is prodding me over messenger to write this as we speak) I probably wouldn't be writing this at all. I'd just have stagnated and dug myself into an even deeper pit and possibly stopped writing altogether, so, if you enjoy my blog, you have online roleplaying to thank for its continuance.

I realize this post isn't funny. I apologize, but, as it turns out, I do occasionally think serious things. At any rate, that's the reason I was gone, and also the story of how my imaginary friend Lysandro kept me from dying out as a writer. Thanks bro.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Yo Gabba Gabba

Somewhere off in the darker, more sinister recesses of the land of children's programming there lurks a show; a show that has burrowed itself into my brain and merged seamlessly with my most recent nightmares. I feel like I was a bit hard on Sid the Science Kid back when I did my little piece on it, because even that, in all its rendered horror, does not even come close to the terrifying mash of pain and annoyance that is Yo Gabba Gabba.

I have seen one episode of this show in total. Even so, I feel as though the fact that I spent the entirety of that one episode with my mouth frozen open in horror qualifies me to tear it apart. But where to begin?

I suppose I should begin with the man who seemingly runs the place, DJ Lance:

This is a man who needs desperately to be put out of his misery. I am not sure who decided on his outfit. I am also not sure whether that individual should be given an award or fired immediately, but that is far beside the point. DJ Lance speaks every word and makes every move as though he is severely uncomfortable, and possibly in agonizing pain. I'm not really sure of what his job is, and I refuse to do the research into the show that would be required to find out, but all I know is that at the beginning of the show he brings in a large box full of all the other characters and then looms uncomfortably over them for the remainder of the show. Perhaps the discomfort is intentional, or perhaps that suit is some manner of torture device that forces him to do this job. I'm going to assume the latter and leave DJ Lance alone because he kind of seems like he's being held there against his will. The true offense of this show lies within DJ Lance's questionable box. With these guys:

(Minus the DJ himself, obviously)

These abominations are, from left to right: Foofa, Plex, Muno, Brobee, and Toodee... 
First of all... what am I looking at? Second of all... Okay, folks. I really really try to keep things classy around here and not stoop to the lowest common denominator for my jokes (butt jokes are very classy, okay? Shut up!) but this one is something I absolutely cannot look past. The very first thing I noticed about this group of monstrosities is that most of them look like some manner of adult novelty item. Think I'm kidding? Then I invite you to take a good long hard look at this thing:

Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? Good. 

Unfortunate designs aside, these characters are just... impressively, mesmerizingly awkward... Also as far as I could tell, none of them really seem to have any distinguishing traits of which to speak. They all seem to just exist simply to do things. Weird things. And sing songs. Weird songs. Like this: 

For those of you wondering what in blazes you just watched, you are absolutely not alone. I spent a good long while trying to figure this one out and came up with nothing. This brings me to a few more points... The writing for instance... "Friends are our friends," huh? How long did it take you to come up with that one Shakespeare? Can't tell if the writing is lazy, or if the writers genuinely thought this was genius, but I'm kind of afraid to ask. And speaking of lazy, the puppetry is just...just... Alright, as a giant dork who is passionate about The Muppets, I find it very hard to respect creators that wont even take the time to make their full body suit puppets blink, or even move smoothly. I could rant about this for a very long time, but I wont. Yo Gabba Gabba, I am disappoint.

The one thing this show does have going for it is that they often bring in actors and such who have actual talent to appear and do... things... for... amounts of time...
Things like... whatever is occurring here...

Though this does tend to beg the question of what people with actual careers are doing there... And I mean that literally, because I have absolutely no idea of what the guests do on the show... They just kind of lurk around and do... stuff. Then presumably pick up a fat paycheck. 

That's about all that I can really tell you about the show because the rest of the one and  half episodes I watched were just an incomprehensible mess of I don't even know. All I remember is being bombarded with bizarre nonsense once every few minutes... Y'know... between all the even more bizarre nonsense. If you  really want to know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to go watch it yourself, because I honestly could not even begin to figure out what I was watching.

Suffices to say that Yo Gabba Gabba is a show that probably shouldn't exist, and also should probably not be as popular as it is. But hey, what do I know? I may very well be missing some hidden brilliance behind this hideous pile of weird. And anyway, it's not my job to determine what's popular, so I may as well shut up about it now. Just be sure to keep in mind that this is what is shaping the minds of the upcoming generation. Do that, and then curl into a ball and weep bitterly, just as I am going to go do now. 

Until next time, readers. Stay cool. And don't bite your friends.