Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Crusader

First off, there is an actual sort of okay reason for my being absent for so long. Explanation for that is coming. Eventually.

That aside.... Let's talk about my mother for a moment...

My mom is a crusader. A butt crusader.

...... Perhaps I should explain:
I come from a family that is notorious for being very long in the torso. This has the unfortunate effect of making it very very hard to find shirts and pants that overlap, so bending over makes for a lot of... exposure. My mother has made it her personal duty to seek out and eliminate exposed cracks whenever the family gets together. Her methods are... rather unforgiving.

As much as we (usually my sister, my niece, and I) insist that there is little we can do about the problem, she continues the ruthless crusade.

Recently, she threatened to tie a fork to a stick to make a weapon of great and terrible poking. So I threatened to make a superhero out of her.
Still tossing around names. I was thinking maybe "The Crack Crusader". Or possibly "Buttmom".  Either one is just as likely to get me fired from my family. 

So what's it gonna be, mom? You want to dance? Let's dance.

(I am going to be grounded forever....)