On-Campus snoozing

So, I've noticed that whenever I'm on campus headed to class or something, there are people sleeping EVERYWHERE. Most of the benches are occupied by somebody sprawled out in a dead sleep. I was going to take a picture as proof, but then I felt creepy so I didn't.
I really don't understand these people. Not that I don't understand how they're feeling - I too am a college student, and have felt the pains of sleep-deprivation - but... I guess I just don't trust anybody enough to sleep in public like that. This is based mostly on the fact that whenever I see these people, I get an uncanny urge to doodle on their faces or hide their backpacks or something - no idea why, I just do. Of course, this means that if anybody else's brain works in the same way that mine does, then it is DEFINITELY not safe to sleep on campus, which is why I don't do it.
Maybe this just makes me a paranoid weirdo, but my mistrust of other people is usually founded in things I find myself wanting to do to others in any given situation. Just something to think about.
Trust no one.

One of these things is not like the other

I was thinking today about the Seven Dwarves. The Disney ones. These guys:


Yeah.
Anyway, of the seven, all have adjectives for names except for one: Doc. Why is he so special? I mean, I know he's the leader, but why should that exempt him from being an adjective? He never really exhibits any attributes that qualify him as a "Doc" anyway. Why not call him "Bossy?" or perhaps "Stuttery?" ... "Blandy?"... I guess "Straight-character-that-acts-as-a-comic-foil-for-the-other-six-distinct-personality-archetyped-characters-but-has-no-real-distinction-of-which-to-speak-y" doesn't really roll off the tongue... At any rate, I'm just curious as to how Doc got off without a descriptive name... I mean, I guess it could be indicative of intelligence, cause I suppose he is the "smartest" of the lot, but still... It's kind of like having seven daughters and naming them Faith, Hope, Charity, Prudence, Temperance, Justice, and Helga. Doesn't quite fit in with your theme there.
At any rate, I don't think it's fair for poor Doc to be left out of the circle just because he doesn't really have a definitive character trait besides apparently being the leader and stuttering. Personally, I think somebody over at Disney drew a dwarf, then got distracted and forgot about the character so they had to make it up on the spot at the board meeting, I would have loved to be in on that.
Boss Man: It looks like you've all put a lot of thought into developing these characters as you were assigned to. I'm very impressed. Now, it looks like we've got one more, Randy, what do you have for us?
Randy: Oo-er... Well, I've got this dwarf that I drew...
Boss Man: Good, good. Nice design, how about you tell us a bit about him..
Randy: Well...uh... He's the-- leader...and let's say his name is... uh... Doc! His name is Doc cause he's... smart, I guess...
Boss Man: Randy, did you do any work on this?
Randy: ...No, Sir, I just drew the picture.
Boss Man: Randy, you're a failure, go sit in the corner. Well, gents, we don't have time to create a new one before starting production, and since Randy managed to screw this up as usual, we'll just have to make do with what we've got. Send these to animation.
Underling: But, Sir, all the other dwarfs have adjectives for names, couldn't we--
Boss Man: Dash it all, man! I'm too rich and important to think about this! His name is Doc and if you don't like it, take it up with Randy!

That sounds about right...
Back to the point.
Disney, if you're going to have some deviation from a pattern like that, you have to explain, otherwise you confuse your audience... Perhaps not as children but when they're young adults and have too much time on their hands to wonder about stupid things.
Some consideration might be nice.

But they don't even come from grapes!

Hey there readers.
Here I am, once again, to sing my praises to something weird before I go off and try to do my homework.
I hope you are all aware of how awesome Grape Nuts are. Like seriously, it's like the best cereal ever, and it has absolutely no reason to be. No, really... There is NO reason for Grape Nuts to be good, they're just a sludgy mass of rock solid clumps of some sort of grain, and yet, there you have it. And they're healthy too! Take THAT, Coco Puffs!
Perhaps I'm the only one who actually likes it, but if that's the case then more for me I suppose. Heck if it's like eating a bowl of gravel, it's still awesome. No matter what happens, this bewildering concoction will always be my favorite cereal.



Anyway, sorry about that, readers. I should be done writing about stupid things and go back to writing REALLY stupid things in no time, don't you worry your pretty little heads.
Now it's time to try and be productive. Joy.

The steak is a lie

I think "Salisbury Steak" must be French for "A freaking hamburger."
I don't care how you dress it up; it's a hamburger.



Look at how smug it is there with its new, cooler, more sophisticated friends. Guess it's too fancy to hang out with ketchup and pickles anymore.
Hamburger patties, please stop trying to be something you're not. The fancy title only makes us angry when we open our tv dinner and find out that it's not actually steak.
Get off the potatoes and salad and back in a bun where you belong, you're not fooling anybody. Nobody likes a poser.

Merchandising Miscommunication

First of all, let me make one thing very clear - I LOVE Tinkerbell. She's just awesome, it's true. However, while I don't mind the merchandising done at her expense, I'm a tad confused at some of the phrases I see in conjunction with her. On many a shirt, necklace, or poster, Tinkerbell appears in a cute, flirty pose alongside the phrase "Perfect Pixie". I have music box that has a smiling Tink next to the words "Fairy Spell". Yesterday I saw a steering wheel cover with her on it that proclaimed something to the effect of "Fearless flirt".... Seriously, Disney... What is that mess? Did anybody ever even see the movie? The reason Tinkerbell is so awesome is because she's a complete harpy; the very definition of a woman scorned (like which fury Hell hath no.) So what, may I ask, is the deal with all the cutesy phrases and poses she keeps showing up with?


Anyway, I decided I'd make a few of my own that more accurately reflect the delightful nastiness that made Tinkerbell famous in the first place:










And... I guess by the end of the movie:



Anyhoo, I know I already picked on Peter Pan, but this is different. Also, I'm not basing these off of those new Pixie Hollow movies where Tinkerbell is a sweet lovely individual, because they're totally not canon, and the reason we all love Tink is because she's a shrew.

A note to my charming neighbors

To the girls in the apartment upstairs,

I understand that you are a playful bunch; I can hear your late night parties that seem to involve nothing but stomping every Friday and Saturday evening. Be that as it may, I feel that it is my duty to address the girlish shrieking that I constantly hear from the stairwell as an issue that you might want to take into consideration. Fact is, hearing somebody scream bloody murder out of the blue any time after dark, whether you're playing or not, puts everybody on edge, but there comes a certain point that we become used to it and stop reacting. You must realize that this means that when you actually get raped and murdered in the parking lot, NOBODY WILL HELP YOU. If you've ever heard of the boy who cried wolf, this is the same principle. As your concerned and disgruntled neighbor, I urge please consider this the next time you feel the need to scream at the top of your lungs late at night.

Best wishes,
Erin from downstairs

Relative Grace

I came to an important realization today. It was caused mostly by a very spectacular fall that I performed for two members of the grounds crew on an icy hill earlier today.
In general I am not too clumsy of an individual(no, really!) and I have successfully walked down the hill in question every day for the past week on my way to the bus without falling down. Furthermore, I've never fallen down a flight of stairs unless somebody has been there to witness, and the only truly grand spills I've taken have been in the presence of company. This being the case, assuming I'm not the only one who has experienced this, I would like to propose a theory simply called "the Relative Theory of Clumsiness." It goes a little something like this:
In any situation wherein the potential for clumsiness is immediately present, the likelihood that an individual will fall, stumble, slip, or trip is directly proportional to either a) the presence of another individual(s) or b) the presence of a video recording device.
Observe:

Note that the subject is able to Travel from Point A to Point B without difficulty.
Now add a couple witnesses :

This likelihood is also inversely proportional to the level of familiarity between the subject and the witness(es):

and directly proportional to the amount of awkwardness likely to be caused by any clumsiness:

Anyway, as theories go, it's still a bit rough, but I think I may definitely be on to something.

If nothing else, it's a good solution to the great American problem of how to blame all our problems on everybody else, and should at least give you something to think about the next time you're tumbling down a flight of stairs in front of several onlookers.

Tread lightly now, readers.