Monday, June 21, 2010

The Literal Definition

I've been watching a lot of commercials lately, and I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that "fresh" can be literally defined as "passing through jets of water midair."

Then again, I'm no lexicographer.
(I could give you some better examples but nobody is lame enough to put Arby's commercials on YouTube. )
Sure, you can take a picture of produce lying in a pile in a basket or something, but it's only truly fresh if it's been tossed through a jet of water, and preferably sliced in midair. I guess the air unlocks the freshness. All the best restaurants do it that way, and you'd better not believe it if anybody tells you differently.
(Aside: Here's a runner up. )

These vegetables are ALMOST fresh. That colander is definitely suspended, and there's the jet of water, but they are not actually flying individually through it. Also, it took me several minutes of trying and then finally having to look it up to figure out how to spell "colander"

Just keep that in mind the next time you're cooking, otherwise your salad is gonna suck. Unless it's meat of course, Then it must be thrown through the air onto a flaming grill.

If you want to, you can squeeze lemon juice on it while it's in the air, but there has to be a moment of suspension. And, of course, once it's on the grill, you have to slowly brush it with a substance that may or may not be barbecue sauce.

Red substance may be the blood of a thousand militant mountain lions and grizzlies that you felled with a spear, but that depends on how manly you want your salmon fillet to be.

Anyway, that's something they're not going to tell you on the Food Network: If you want it fresh, you gotta toss it through the air. I'll bet you're really happy I found this out, otherwise you might be doomed to a life without freshness, and that would be terrible.
You're welcome.


Jessica Grosland said...

Gee, thanks Erin! You give so much, you know that?

The Erin said...

I know, right? I'm a total samaritan or something...

Anonymous said...

OMG... :D I love it.