I've been thinking... What if the buttons on the telephone poles at street corners that you press when you want to cross don't really do anything, they're just a great big social experiment? An exercise in futility, if you will. I mean, really. Have you ever gone to a corner and NOT pushed the button? The little dude still pops up and tells you to cross whether you push it or not. I think it's just there to see how many people simply can't resist the urge to push a button. Or perhaps it's there to make us feel like we're actually doing something useful, just like when you were five and you asked your dad if you could help him wash the house and he gave you a toothbrush and said that you could scrub the driveway; you weren't actually doing anything but you felt like you were helping.
It's like you're scrubbing the driveway every time you get to an intersection
Then again, we can't be sure that it really doesn't do anything, so we have to keep pushing it for fear that something terrible will happen. I'm tempted to make a LOST reference, but I wont....
Ah, what the heck
We have to keep pushing the button or something bad may or may not happen!
I've been told that pushing the button sends some sort of signal that tells the light to change faster, but I don't believe it; I've read psychological studies before, and psychologists are like the biggest liars ever, and they don't even feel bad about it because it's for science. All social experiments are just their excuses to play us all for suckers.
Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this... If the APA realizes that I'm onto them, they'll probably send their ninjas to come and bump me off.
Ah well. If I go missing, I need you all to warn the people that the crosswalk button is a sham. They must be told. I have faith in you.