Monday, July 12, 2010

Intellectual Immaturity

I'm really immature, there's no getting around it. Don't believe me? I challenge you to march on over to my house, ring the doorbell, and say the word "nosegay" to me and see if I don't start sniggering like a thirteen year old boy. Of course, the one thing that does set me apart from a thirteen year old boy is that I'm an eighteen year old girl. Oh, and also, my immaturity is all quite reasoned and analytical. I rather enjoy discussing why dumb things are funny with my similarly immature peers so that there is some semblance of rationality when we start laughing at something stupid. It was through such a conversation that my brother-in-law and I were recently able to determine that "butt" is the funniest word in the English language (even funnier than "nosegay".) You can pretty much insert the word into any situation and it immediately makes it funny. And what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't provide you with examples? Probably a mature one, and we can't have that, now can we? Here you go:

On The Simpsons, after Bart narrowly escapes yet another attempt on his life by Sideshow Bob, his family rushes to him and Lisa proclaims her relief that everything is okay. Bart's reply?
"Well, not everything. Apparently someone switched your face with a butt."

Simpsons again. Homer and Lisa are having a Daddy/Daughter night at Homer's office. They decide to prank call Moe by asking for a Mr. Eura Snotball. Moe repeats it, and Homer pretends to take offense.
"What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!"

In Sons of Provo, a movie probably not many of you have seen, A character's nephew gets frustrated with his uncle and storms off, but not before giving us this gem:
"Don't be a butt, uncle Will!"; a site that if you haven't checked out, you should. A flashback shows a young Strong Bad waiting eagerly for his little brother to set up their new printer because...
"Hurry up, Diaper Stripe! I wanna print out that butt I made out of hyphens and dollar signs!"
as an added bonus, here is that butt:

Another Homestarrunner. Strong Bad at a comic book convention runs into his brother who corrects him when he says the year is 1997 by telling him it's 2005. Quoth Strong Bad:
"It might be for you, but {pause} you're... a butt. {smiles}"

Pixar seems to know the effectiveness of this word, as they use it a lot especially in Finding Nemo when Nemo and his three schoolmates swim out to the drop-off and see a boat.
"I know what it is! Sandy Plankton told me! He said it was called a... a butt!"

"Wow... that's a big butt..."

"Look at meee! I'm gonna go touch the butt!"

"...He touched the butt."

Not to mention all the jokes that come at the expense of the land form known as a "butte" as well as the city of Butte, Montana. This includes such moments from Toy Story 2 in the airport when Buzz Lightyear winds up with a sticker on his rear that says "Butte," as well as in Cars where Lizzie slaps a sticker that says "Nice Butte" onto the bumper of a passing tourist. The best though came from Whose Line is it Anyway, where the contestants were having to make up examples of rejected songs for U.S. cities, and Ryan Styles gave us this:
"We call it Butte (not Butt) Montana!"

Okay, you get the picture, it's a great word.Comic gold. (Either that or I'm just really easily amused. Both could be true.) Only problem is, my mom doesn't like the word, and she reads this blog, so I'm going to get in trouble if I don't steer out of this downward spiral pretty fast. Fortunately, there are many synonyms for use in referencing the hindquarters that are all equally as hilarious. I would make my own list, but why should I when Strong Bad has a perfectly good one already?
Strong Bad's list of "Okay for Mom" synonyms:
back parts
boat take
(It is implied that there are many more, but this is all we ever get to see. My mom loves this list.)

So there you go, readers, the secret to entertaining at least 3/4 of the population at any given time, even if your mom is reading over your shoulder (this is going on my theory that most people are secretly really immature. The other 1/4 of the population is your mom.) At any rate, thank the heavens that stupid things are hilarious, cause otherwise, I wouldn't have much of anything to analyze and my life might become meaningless. As it is, intellectual immaturity is a very satisfying practice that I fully endorse, and if you ever feel the need to come by and discuss why the words "bumfuzzle" and "diphthong" are funny or why you still laugh at stupid cartoons, my door is always open.


Intellectually Immature Sites on Which to Waste Time:
Homestar Runner (you know you want to)
The Oatmeal - Dumb Jokes that are Funny
Inherently Funny
More Cowbell
Hark, a Vagrant
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things

Feel free to post your own as well.


Devin said...

There is a bar of soap waiting at home with your mouth's name on it, young lady.

Your father.

P.S. "Bladderwort!"

Meg said...

Another synonym, courtesy of the Cosby Show: boom-boom.

Also, I love "Hark, a vagrant".