Book by its cover...

I haven't seen New Moon yet, and frankly, I don't intend to for a while -- I really don't feel inspired to shell out 7 bucks for a movie that is pretty much guaranteed to blow-- but I have seen the pictures. Now, I hated the book with a fiery passion. I hated it so hard that it shook me right out of my squealing teenage obsession with the series, and I never went back, but film is a different medium, so I figured I should at least give it something of a chance; at least the Twilight movie didn't blow as hard a the book did in my opinion, but I digress. From what I can gather from pictures, trailers, and reports from my fellow Internet-ites (most significantly the SpoonyOne,) the movie is pretty much about rippling, shirtless Native Americans, with the occasional subplot about codependency, and Cedric Diggory, who Voldemort must have REALLY done a number on after he was killed, because he is now pasty and unlikable. Sounds pretty much like the book, except for at least in the book, Diggory was spared the blow to his dignity by NOT appearing in it. Anyway, I don't know that much about it, so I'm not going to rant, but I did notice one thing as I briefly glanced over movie stills on Google Images. I may be the only one who thought this, but something about the Volturi (the bad evil Italian vampires) seems a bit familiar:

I don't think the dude off to the right side is one of the main ones, but still, you got it yet?
Let me see if I can make it a little easier:


HOLY SNAP! The evil league of vampires is led by the Jonas Brothers!! I knew they were up to something! I mean, they're exactly the same, right down to them being dead-eyed, bland, and sparkly. Not to mention the hoards of screaming fangirls they have at their mercy, not unlike a certain brooding, emotionally abusive shell of Cedric Diggory we all know...
Be afraid, folks, be very afraid... And if you get offered a free trip to Italy, DON'T TAKE IT! The Jonas Brothers just want to devour your soul and drain any of the essence that their music hasn't already sucked out of your body.

Anyway, while we're making comparisons, I thought I'd just throw this one out there too:



Blue Steel much, Jasper?
My theory is that Jas is the son that Derek and Matilda had at the end of Zoolander, and even though he LOOKS like he's in pain, he's really just trying to be like his old man. Keep trying, kid, it takes a lot of work to be really really ridiculously good-looking.

And now I have to write a Psychology paper. Pity I can't write THAT about shirtless Native Americans, but just because I'm so freaking generous, I'll leave you with some:



You're welcome. Now get out, and don't get nosebleed on the carpet.