Yo Gabba Gabba

Somewhere off in the darker, more sinister recesses of the land of children's programming there lurks a show; a show that has burrowed itself into my brain and merged seamlessly with my most recent nightmares. I feel like I was a bit hard on Sid the Science Kid back when I did my little piece on it, because even that, in all its rendered horror, does not even come close to the terrifying mash of pain and annoyance that is Yo Gabba Gabba.

I have seen one episode of this show in total. Even so, I feel as though the fact that I spent the entirety of that one episode with my mouth frozen open in horror qualifies me to tear it apart. But where to begin?

I suppose I should begin with the man who seemingly runs the place, DJ Lance:

This is a man who needs desperately to be put out of his misery. I am not sure who decided on his outfit. I am also not sure whether that individual should be given an award or fired immediately, but that is far beside the point. DJ Lance speaks every word and makes every move as though he is severely uncomfortable, and possibly in agonizing pain. I'm not really sure of what his job is, and I refuse to do the research into the show that would be required to find out, but all I know is that at the beginning of the show he brings in a large box full of all the other characters and then looms uncomfortably over them for the remainder of the show. Perhaps the discomfort is intentional, or perhaps that suit is some manner of torture device that forces him to do this job. I'm going to assume the latter and leave DJ Lance alone because he kind of seems like he's being held there against his will. The true offense of this show lies within DJ Lance's questionable box. With these guys:

(Minus the DJ himself, obviously)

These abominations are, from left to right: Foofa, Plex, Muno, Brobee, and Toodee... 

First of all... what am I looking at? Second of all... Okay, folks. I really really try to keep things classy around here and not stoop to the lowest common denominator for my jokes (butt jokes are very classy, okay? Shut up!) but this one is something I absolutely cannot look past. The very first thing I noticed about this group of monstrosities is that most of them look like some manner of adult novelty item. Think I'm kidding? Then I invite you to take a good long hard look at this thing:

Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? Good. 

Unfortunate designs aside, these characters are just... impressively, mesmerizingly awkward... Also as far as I could tell, none of them really seem to have any distinguishing traits of which to speak. They all seem to just exist simply to do things. Weird things. And sing songs. Weird songs. Like this: 

For those of you wondering what in blazes you just watched, you are absolutely not alone. I spent a good long while trying to figure this one out and came up with nothing. This brings me to a few more points... The writing for instance... "Friends are our friends," huh? How long did it take you to come up with that one Shakespeare? Can't tell if the writing is lazy, or if the writers genuinely thought this was genius, but I'm kind of afraid to ask. And speaking of lazy, the puppetry is just...just... Alright, as a giant dork who is passionate about The Muppets, I find it very hard to respect creators that wont even take the time to make their full body suit puppets blink, or even move smoothly. I could rant about this for a very long time, but I wont. Yo Gabba Gabba, I am disappoint.

The one thing this show does have going for it is that they often bring in actors and such who have actual talent to appear and do... things... for... amounts of time...

Things like... whatever is occurring here...

Though this does tend to beg the question of what people with actual careers are doing there... And I mean that literally, because I have absolutely no idea of what the guests do on the show... They just kind of lurk around and do... stuff. Then presumably pick up a fat paycheck. 

That's about all that I can really tell you about the show because the rest of the one and  half episodes I watched were just an incomprehensible mess of I don't even know. All I remember is being bombarded with bizarre nonsense once every few minutes... Y'know... between all the even more bizarre nonsense. If you  really want to know what I'm talking about, you'll just have to go watch it yourself, because I honestly could not even begin to figure out what I was watching.

Suffices to say that Yo Gabba Gabba is a show that probably shouldn't exist, and also should probably not be as popular as it is. But hey, what do I know? I may very well be missing some hidden brilliance behind this hideous pile of weird. And anyway, it's not my job to determine what's popular, so I may as well shut up about it now. Just be sure to keep in mind that this is what is shaping the minds of the upcoming generation. Do that, and then curl into a ball and weep bitterly, just as I am going to go do now. 

Until next time, readers. Stay cool. And don't bite your friends.