Special Agent Oso

On my personal list of kids' shows that I can not, for my life, give a good answer as to why they exist, I'm pretty sure that Special Agent Oso is right up there near the top. Rare is the show that has a "no duh" factor that can even come close to comparing. I'll explain, shall I?

Like all of the shows I've covered so far, I've seen very few episodes of this one. I'm told my nephew loves it, and calls it "Specially Oso," but I personally haven't seen a whole lot of it. What I have observed from the little I've seen of it is that it's about a panda (I think) who goes around on special missions from… someone… and teaches kids to do… things… And while I doubt the likelihood of any organization or government hiring a bear to fly around the world and help kids learn to do mundane things, what really gets to me is the "three special steps" that he and his terrifying floating head A.I. give to the kids. I think It will be better for me to show you than to try and explain:

Can you spot a problem with this? I mean, besides the fact that Oso's little helper A.I. is definitely going to eat your skin while you are sleeping… Notice the "special steps?" Didja see how they were "1) Watch the thing 2) Practice the thing 3) Do the thing?" Yeah… that… Uuuummmmm, how do I put this? Uh… guys? Kids aren't that stupid. They really don't need a bear or his creepy talking head to explain this sort of thing to them. If you really want to help, you gotta give better specifics, otherwise, just buzz off and let the little morons figure it out themselves. And this is not the only example of the special steps being crash-courses in blinding stupidity. Most of the ones I've seen are like that. Look them up if you don't believe me.


Also, if I may just comment briefly on the little satellite camera thing they've got rigged up: does that seem a little... suspect... to you? Like, really? Who was the guy who rigged up a satellite to zero in on kids with "problems" and then hired a bear to go and "fix" them? Not so much the bear that worries me, mostly just the satellite camera... Who taught it to zero in on kids like that? It may just be a result of my brain's high exposure to the internet, but I think I've got a pretty good idea who Oso's employer is.

Pedobear: Official (satirical) mascot of pedophilia in the internet age