Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Share the Load

This is Nekoda

Nekoda is my nephew. He is five.
Koda is a typical five-year-old, if not a bit more rambunctious and prone to fits of terrifying malevolent rage (pretty sure he's going to be a supervillain when he grows up,) but that's not the first thing you'll notice about him should you decide to engage him in conversation. The first thing you WILL notice is that Koda is a questioner. A relentless questioner. Unless he is sleeping or his breath is being put to some other use (ie. screaming,) Koda will be asking questions. His mother -- my sister-in-law -- is the main victim of this, especially since his father -- my brother-- has the good fortune of being Deaf. I hadn't really realized the magnitude of this behavior, however, until yesterday, when I babysat Nekoda for only two hours. It was then, as I teetered on the edge of madness, that I realized how much my poor sister-in-law endures, and I decided that, out of respect for her, I would dedicate this post to her, and put all of my readers through just a fraction of what she puts up with every single day. This woman is amazing and she needs to be recognized.
This is what an hour with Nekoda sounds like:

Hey what is the hottest pepper in the world?can it burn through your tongue?what's under your tongue?is it blood and spit?can the hottest pepper in the world burn through your tongue until it's just blood?why don't girls like hot peppers?do you like hot peppers?is the hottest pepper in the world yellow or green?what's it called?do daddies like it?does it taste like the sun?what does the sun taste like?can you touch the sun?what would happen to you if you did?would you burn up?can God touch the sun?what would happen if he did?would he die?can he eat the sun?what is hotter than the sun?is lightening hotter?is the sun the hottest fire and lightening is the hottest electricity?what happens if lightening hits you?can you cook with lightening?do you want to see my spider?why do spiders like to eat flies?does he want to bite me?how do you know?did he ever bite you?have you been bitten by a bigger spider?what color is it?what is the biggest spider in the world?does it eat flies?can it eat birds?how does it eat birds?how does it chew the birds?what are bird bones made of?what are people bones made of?can you break it?can the sun break it?how tall is the sun?is it so so tall all the way up to God's house?can a bird fly to the sun?what are bird feathers made of?do birds only lose their feathers when they are sick?are the feathers dirty?what would happen if I put it in my mouth?why would it make me sick?how do you know?are you so so smart?even smarter than daddy?where is daddy?does he have his phone?daddy says I can play video games whenever I want?why can't I do it right now?where is the remote?can I go to Laurel's house and get it?why not?where is the case for that movie?what is this movie about?is it real?is Lightening McQueen real?why is he not real?can cars really talk?why do you want me to be quiet?why do you have a headache?do you need medicine?does it hurt so so bad?how did you get a headache?why am I talking too much?why are you closing your eyes?are you asleep?why does your head hurt?did you hit it?what happens if you hit your head?how hard is your head?what is the hardest thing in the world?how hard are diamonds?can you bite it with your teeth?would it break your teeth?can diamonds melt in the sun?but I thought you said diamonds were the hardest thing ever but the sun is in space is space bigger than the earth?are there diamonds in space?can a rock cut a diamond?what about a knife?how do you put diamonds on the edge of a knife?what would happen if you cut your finger with it?would it hurt?would it cut all the way down to your blood and bones?would you die?would you go to heaven?is there food in heaven?why don't you know?because you've never been there?do people get so so big?how big?can they be really really big all the way up to God's house?why?if you ate so much food would you get really really big?if you ate one hundred foods would you get so so big?why would you get so fat?how do you get really tall?if you were so tall could you fit in a house?are houses so expensive because they are so big?are cars?who made cars God or people?does God know how to drive a car?why can he do everything?why are you shaking your head?why don't you know?why do I have to go to bed?why do people have to sleep?will I get so sick if I don't sleep?does God have to sleep?do birds sleep?what kind of animal doesn't sleep?none of them?why not any of them?what are pillows full of?how do they get the feathers from the birds?do they die? do they fall off? are there germs in my pillow?will it make me sick?why are you screaming?is there something scary?why are you pulling out your hair?does it hurt? what is hair made of?where does your hair color come from?why are you running away?aunt Erin?hey!hey!come back!

As I said, this is only an hour worth of questions, I have no desire to find out what an entire day is like, but you can only imagine. Also, keep in mind that most of this is backed up by a chorus of "Hey! Hey! I'm hun-gur-ee" from his younger brother, Kayden, regardless of whether or not he just ate. Also, there's a baby.

If ever you think your life is frustrating and you can't take it anymore, you are more than welcome to borrow Nekoda for a few hours; I guarantee your outlook will change greatly.
Now I think you should all go send a box of chocolate and a medal to my sister-in-law, Sarah, for keeping this force safely contained and far away from you.
Go on, do it. I'll wait here.


Joelasay@gmail.com said...

He knows sign so I am a victim of his questioning too. The bounteous deep joy of being a parent.

The Erin said...

Of course you get some of it, but it's the voice that really puts an edge on it, so I think you get off lucky.

Mrs. Darcy said...

Wow.... that's ...I don't know quite what to say...

Racher said...

Erin, I am obsessed with this post. First of all how Nekoda looks exactly like Samwise in that picture. Also how it made me think of how he always catches me when he's out in the yard as I go to and from my car: "Rachel, how do you catch a bird? Do you use a net? Do you use your hands? What do you feed a worm? And, when I was leaving with the girl I vis'it-teach: "Rachel, is that your mom?

Laurel and David Lowe said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha *breathe* hahahaah! Oh, man. I loved this muchly. Did you keep a running list as he was asking the questions, or did you recite this from memory? My day is much brighter now, thank you!

Meg said...

I would lie through my teeth to this kid. It would be awesome. I think I am going to make a list of answers to these questions and send it to you.

Also, this is why the internet was invented.

The Erin said...

Oh, please do, I would love to see that list, Meg.
And Laurel, I recited them from memory and made a few up to fill in the places of the ones i couldn't remember.

asayfamilynews said...

Meg, you can't lie to the kid. He'll trap you in your lies and then question you even more to death. I promise. Lies don't work on him. It only makes it worse!

Rachel, I'm sorry about that! I heard him yell that one, and I was hoping she didn't hear! He got explained to about how that was rude, but I'm not sure it made an impression. I'm sorry!

Devin said...

Erin, you have documented an important and real piece of the human experience.
However, you are wrong on one count: Koda will not be an evil mastermind. He will discover the cure for cancer, and unlock the mysteries of bird feathers, and figure out how to send a rocket to the sun to measure its temperature with a thermometer made of diamonds. And that's just before he is thirty.
Oh, and he'll also have a child just like him. Heh, heh, heh.

misssrobin said...

I am sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, but this is not unusual. All of my children went through this, some for just a while, Nik for his whole life.

I'm just warning you so you know that when you have kids, it's likely you'll have at least one like this. Probably several.

Enjoy your peace while you have it.